Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself: 40 Ways to Transform Your Inner Critic and Your Life by Deschene Lori

Author:Deschene, Lori [Deschene, Lori]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781609259129
Publisher: Red Wheel Weiser
Published: 2013-10-08T00:00:00+00:00

LET GO OF FEAR BY STOPPING THE STORIES IN YOUR HEAD

by Angela Gunn

The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.

—ECKHART TOLLE

For a very long time fear has controlled me. It has paralyzed me, kept me living in desperate situations, and stopped me from living the life of my dreams. It has only been with age and the practice of mindfulness these last few years that I have finally come to recognize the fear within me and begun the process of facing it.

By facing fear, I don't mean that I've started BASE jumping, purposely trapped myself in elevators, or allowed tarantulas to climb all over my body. I mean that I've sat in meditation, watched the fears arise, and rather than react to them or allow them to become part of the stories that make up my life, I've observed them in my mind from a distance. I've felt how fearful thoughts manifest in my body, and I've moved into that physical discomfort in order to pay attention to fear in a way I've never allowed myself to do before.

When I think about the compulsive and addictive activities that have kept me stuck in a place of fear in the past, they all come from stories that play through my head every day. For example, I shop to feel better about myself. I believe that the pair of celebrity-endorsed high heels I've just bought will make me glamorous enough to fit in with the goddesses I see around me, and, therefore, help me feel accepted. Interestingly, I don't feel bad about myself unless I'm comparing myself with others. Therefore, in the comparing, I'm looking at others who have what I don't and fearing that I'm unstylish or not beautiful enough.

When the new pair of high heels I've been wearing to work every day go unnoticed, start to slowly destroy my feet, and still haven't prompted an invite to the “right” parties, I give up and start to search the fridge. I discover a tub of ice cream or a pack of cookies that may not make me more beautiful or accepted, but they help fill my stomach up and create a fullness in the exact place that fear is beginning to dig a deeper and deeper hole inside of me.

When that sick feeling starts rising again, this time from the mix of cookies and cream atop a base of fear, I sit in the comfiest chair I can find and reach for the remote control. Rather than listen to the personal derision on repeat in my mind, I watch reruns of my favorite reality show. I can then cheer the reality star on as I would a friend. Or, I can sit and degrade them to make myself feel better by deflecting the meanest thoughts I have going through my head from myself onto them.

I would love to say that after this fear-based pity and hatred party I would

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